Whenever I chance upon a composition I have written a long time ago, a jolt of excitement runs through my senses. Reading my work, as close to how a fully disinterested person would, makes me quite excited. It's like evaluating your work with a fresh eye.
An excerpt from an essay I wrote, and posted almost a month ago.
If I may share anything with future board exam takers, it is that success is the little things we do every day. Success stories could not have been initially written as such; it sprang from small struggles and victories that taken collectively conjure a bigger picture of accomplishment. No matter how seemingly difficult the board exam may be, it is a surmountable task which anybody may take on with flying colors. It is only a question of how much you want it, and how much you are willing to give to have it. The challenge lies not on achieving a one-time miracle, but on doing the littlest things everyday that shall lead you to your vision.I wish I could convince myself with these words right now. I am finding it hard to find the motivation and will to study for the NCLEX. Sometimes I think it is because I don't really want it. If you look at it at face value, a lot of people would actually want to be in my position right now. This nursing career is blossoming right before my eyes, and I feel guilty wanting something else and abandoning it.
The board exam is everybody’s game. There is no glass ceiling to break, and you do not have to graduate with Latin honors to be a board topnotcher. But while this is true, working hard for it is a requirement which could not be divorced from the equation. Only prayers, hard work and determination turn the impossible into something inevitably attainable.
I frequently pray to God to show me the calling for which I was made. Of the many things I am unsure of, the only positive thing I am dead certain about is that I want to be in the health profession. I believe that the field of health is a vital segment to the survival, sustenance, and development of society, and humanity as a whole. Although I am deeply confused right now as to what role I should I take.
Attribute it to being a quite fatalistic, I think the nursing career is being laid out for me like a clearing in the midst of a jungle. I topped the boards, and earned a scholarship at ALLGEN for an NCLEX review. However, to be bluntly honest, I cannot see myself as a nurse. Whenever I try to imagine myself as such, my mind drifts off to the next person a nurse is associated with, that is, the doctor.
Not taking other factors into consideration, I know I want to be a doctor. Of course, I have a huge amount of respect for the nursing profession; although being a nurse is not something I think I am cut out for. Exams and the real world is different. Exams can only test what you know and how you think, but not your motivations.
However, the real world is not all about motivation. You cannot eat hope, survive on dreams and pay the rent and bills with motivation. It's about being smart, making pragmatic decisions so that you can eat three times a day and not have to worry about stretching your last cent. Of the few months that I have been like a fish out of water in the real world, I met quite a handful of doctors surrendering their stethoscope for the nursing cap.
As I realize it now, I have met quite a number of doctor-nurses in the past. Although I have not given much thought to it until I was on the verge of starting my medical education. In my freshman year, I had a clinical instructor who was a doctor, and by that time, was teaching nursing students on how to do nursing procedures. By second and third year, I had a really smart professor who was also a doctor, and during that time, was only waiting for her visa so that she could start working as a nurse abroad. A couple weeks ago, I met a co reviewee who was already a consultant, a pediatrician at that, who is reviewing for the NCLEX, hoping to work in the US as a nurse. While I was submitting my eligibility application, I met a woman on her late forties whom I had a quick chat with. She told me that she is a doctor, and her husband, who is a surgeon, is also applying for the NCLEX.
It would be dense and hypocritical of me if I don't acknowledge the overwhelming fact that a LOT of doctors are trading their five years or more of medical education to become nurses. I would be lying if I say that I am not affected by this. As of now, I have decided to wait out and apply for UP for the next school year. Although I am still weighing things out between nursing and medicine.
It might be easy to brandish the cliche 'follow your dreams'. But life is not all about dreams-- we need to work, survive, and have decent source of living which would allow us to enjoy things which we could only dream of. Sometimes I think that I am just shutting out nursing too much, and I need to give it a try so that I could decide for myself what I really want.
I want to devote myself into something that would make my life worthwhile. One thing I am sure of is that I only want to be happy and lead a life I can be satisfied with, financially, psychologically, and emotionally. Until I am really ready to delve into either the nursing or medical career, I think contemplating more on the life ahead would be absolutely necessary.
To be or not to be a doctor