I have long wanted to write an entry on this subject, yet the need for an inevitable self-disclosure bordering on TMI (too much information) has prevented me fron coming up with an appropriate post.
I am barely 22 years old. And yet I feel greatly jaded, confused and disillusioned. Almost a year and half after graduation, I am standing before a blank wall, staring at nothingness. I feel like a movie character walking on an endless road, slowly disappearing as the camera pans upward to the sky. Only in that part, the closing credits roll in, and you know the character lives a happily-ever after. Real life doesn't give you that privelege, you walk along until fate decides to throw you another plot.
If I have learned anything by now, it's that school and real life are very different. If I could be thankful for anything, at least my college org previewed how it's like to be immersed in an actual working environment. Although it may not be pitch perfect, it is better than going straight from the classroom to real word adult existence.
I believe my premature weariness stems from not knowing how to get my act together so that I may fulfill all my dreams. I want to be a doctor, a writer, a succesful business person, and a humanitarian. Life is full of trade offs, but I don't think I would be willing to compromise the things that lend my life its meaning. Wanting nothing is pitiful, but wanting too many things is taxing to the spirit.
After school there are no clear expectations, no road signs and no definite path, only the vastness of possibilities that may either excite or overwhelm you. For me, it's probably the latter.
As most of the middle aged peope have the habit of reminding you how young you still are, or 'ang bata mo pa' in lingua franca, followed by the hopeful litany of the things you are yet to accomplish, you tread on this false sense of security that great opportunities still lie ahead. But what if there are none? What if you are to be cemented to you perpetual confusion? And your life will be spent wondering on what lies on the other side of the fence? A lifetime of regret scares me.
Wikipedia's article on quarter life crisis can be summed up in one simple phrase: insecurity with the future. I know I have the insecurity, I just don't know about the future.
5 comments:
(sigh) same here. Having no options seem undesirable, but having too many makes you want to wish you didn't have any at all. It's hard to choose but what if you don't have to, framing your mind that those choices aren't different roads but one single railroad track.
I would deem it the greatest blessing if all the things I yearn for will find its way onto my chosen road. Although taking reality into consideration, it's good to have a road plan just in case things go awry.
These words are not my own but it is something that is true:
"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't." Mary Schmich
you have achieve a lot and had taken the road further than people your age. believe me, you are a better 21 year older than i was more than a decade ago. although i was not confused, but did have different plans back then compared to what i keep at present. however life has led me to my fate and i am not entertaining regrets at all. in fact, i am just happy.
life as you know, is a never-ending learning process. and one thing that it taught me big time from this journey was sometimes, our plans don't go with His; so it's wiser to keep all options open, do everything at best and stay always within His guidance.
enjoy the ride, aubrey!
hi ate! i just happened to be in your blogsite, searching for sites about NMAT. i was really inspired by this post of yours.
I am 20 and a bit afraid I'm aready experiencing QLC.
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